My Kid Accidentally Stumbled Upon Porn, and Here’s How I Handled It
Explain Nudity and Sex to a 7-Year-Old
I always imagined I’d have to explain the birds and the bees to my child once he turns 14.
That’s the age when boys morph into hormone-fueled creatures, right? So, I decided to postpone the inevitable parental awkwardness until that fateful day.
But the universe had other plans. There I was, wholly unprepared, thrust into the role of Chief Pornography Explainer. Why, oh why, did I put off this crucial parenting moment?
Who knew that if you dug deep enough into the archives of a seemingly innocent Flash game website, you’d stumble upon its dark past as a Y2K-era porn hub? It’s like finding out your favorite bakery used to be a meth lab.
My child loves history.
You’d hear his excitement as he explains how fizzy drinks started or the “evolution” of the USSR flag.
So you can imagine how excited he was when he discovered every Internet historian’s holy grail: Archive.org’s Wayback Machine.
If you haven’t heard of the Wayback Machine, it’s a service that lets you see archived versions of websites. It lets you see how websites like Facebook or Google look like in their early days.
I’ve always reminded him about not clicking ads, scaring him a bit about what potential viruses and malware he could get by clicking links… just to steer him away from accidentally discovering porn.
“Look, I found a pussy website of people doing stupid pussy things”
He pronounced pussy as pah-see.
The headline says “watch pussy videos” and I thought that’s the most innocent thing I’ve heard that day. However, that didn’t kick me out from standing frozen in front of the laptop.
“It’s now or never,” I thought.
The image on the right was a ménage à trois of a man and two women in a position you’d think would make a great circus act.
Luckily, it didn’t look like it belongs to the nasty end of the porn spectrum. But still, how do you explain this three-way scene to a child?
Then I remembered he said “stupid”. Doing stupid pussy things. Of course he knew something was off!
I asked myself “What would my parents do in this situation?”
Growing up as a 90’s Asian schoolkid, I thought I’d probably get some beating and screaming from my mom.
Her pupils dilating in rage and panic. Fighting stance, broomstick in one hand.
I remember growing up being told to cover my eyes on every kissing scene. When I asked why, they’d just say “because it’s bad.”
Whatever bad means, I didn’t dare question. You never question mom’s rules and awaken her inner tiger. My brothers would kill me if I drag them to hell with me when the tiger roars. Not on a calm movie night.
Yet being obedient and trusting the rules didn’t stop me from turning out to be very guilty of my sexual thoughts back then. I judged every sexual conversation as immoral and ultimately became very sexually curious yet ignorant.
I had to keep secrets from my mom and keep conversations wholesome. I was never open about sex and often disgusted with myself for the things I thought of as I got older.
Having been taught that sex is bad made me feel guilty of my curiosities that at one point I thought I must be sick. It was only years later that I became open about my sexuality when I learned I was just a normal person with a beautiful sexual imagination.
I didn’t want him to go through the same self-disgust.
History will not repeat itself
I pulled the chair and sat beside him. I kept the browser window open. This is the reality of life, and I can’t keep him in my safe bubble for very long.
It’s not my job to keep his eyes in my rose-tinted filter. Reality will always persist.
My job is to make sure he’s equipped to deal with the realities of life. And I had to do it in his language. “Pussy” has become a made-up word that we still use to this day to describe things that include nudity.
“Okay. So this is a pussy website. It can be bad but it can be good as well,”
He giggled a bit and said “Yeah, it’s stupid.”
“It is, I know! Who would do that in public? Would you do it at the mall tomorrow?”
“Nooooo!” he laughed as he screamed.
“Absolutely not, right?!” I said.
“Some people do pussy things for bad reasons. While others earn money from it. For a lot of people, it’s an art. They take out their clothes for movies and paintings. That’s their job. Other people do it to harm others, don’t do that.”
He sat quietly. At that moment, I thought I was doing a good job. I imagined my late mother pat my back.
“People do this to earn money. They post pussy things online, while others make pussy pictures. It’s because the human body is beautiful and we want to celebrate it in many ways. Do you know some people show off their butts because some of people like drawing butts?”
He couldn’t believe it. He let out a hearty laugh.
I continued to explain that some people earn money from it in a bad way, forcing others to do pussy to make money from them.
I explained that pussy websites are not for kids, so should he encounter more of those, just close the browser or make sure to tell me so I can report the website if it’s harming anyone.
“Also keep this a secret from other kids because we don’t want them to be harmed.”
Ultimately, the point that I want to convey is that the human body is beautiful. And like any other things molded by Mother Nature, it can easily be abused.
One of these days, I’m hoping that life itself will explain the rest. But if I had to do it, if ever he stumbles upon the very dark sides of pornography — with forced sex and children involved, bless me with strength to deal with it so I can raise an open-minded but responsible man who knows what’s right from wrong.
Children are smarter than we think
That story happened 2 years ago.
Since then, he’s probably reported a dozen of porn sites mostly from Youtube comments, even with his very limited screen time. I even remember finding one which was left as a comment on a gaming video.
He’s nine now and although I still treat him as my baby, I’ve seen he’s matured in how he handles these things. He still calls them pussy websites, by the way.
Even with the so many parental extensions I have installed in my browser, it’s hard to protect my child from everything.
It’s normal for parents to underestimate their children. We gave birth to them, watch these vulnerable creatures grow and see them make a lot of mistakes in life.
But we also see children from other places who have gone through abuse, child labor and adversities that have matured in as early as five.
They don’t have to go through life’s hardships to be introduced to the harsh realities of life.
Little by little, we need to open their minds to what’s outside the safety bubble we built around them. And most importantly, equip them with the knowledge to differentiate what’s right from wrong. For this reason, I don’t hesitate to talk to him (in an age-appropriate tone) my most-feared issues he might soon discover: violence, suicide and porn.
Curiosity, Guilt and the Rape Culture
This morning I saw a video from 2021 of a woman fighting with another mom at the beach. She complains that the woman’s 13-year-old daughter is showing “too much skin” with the swimsuit she was wearing. She says she doesn’t want her 4-year-old son to see any of that.
At the end of the conversation she can be heard saying “If my son r*pes you when he’s older, it’s not my problem.”
I can’t imagine what her reaction would be if it was pornography the child saw and not a bit of skin from a girl innocently enjoying her day at the beach.
I understand we need to protect our children, but there are things we have no control of. We should prepare our children to see things in different perspectives.
If we can open their mind at their own pace on the realities of life, then we can raise good men. Men who take responsibility for their actions instead of blaming the person celebrating their body.
As parents, we don’t own our children. We’re just temporary guardians to tiny humans who will soon help make the world a better place.
Let’s raise children with open minds, and let them understand things in their own language and pace. It takes a lot of patience and strength to become parents this way.
